McSweeney's - excerpt from the Lists section

By the way- a real post is below too

Toddler T-Shirt Slogans

BY DARRYL BERGER

Acceptable

Ask me about the C-section.

Still peeved about missing the millennium.

I buried my heart at Legoland.

Waiting for Godot.

Stop the war. Already.

Stunt double for Katie Holmes's baby.

Unacceptable

Property of Child and Family Services

Glad those stairs were carpeted.

I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the horn spake: I beheld even till the beast was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to the burning flame.

Daddy didn't want me.

Ask me about the extra digit.

Grandma won't shut up.

Rocks

I'll post a pic tomorrow. Just was chuckling about Nolan's rock fetish- he still likes to pick out nice ones (smooth river rocks, pleasing to hold, nice colors) every time we walk past a bed of them on the way to the Park!! Slides!!!!!, and then carries it around- including while trying to climb a ladder, rock in hand. They also come into the tub, and last night, into bed, where I was surprised to find a rock under my shoulder this am. It was a nice one. We have similar taste in rocks, my boy and I. Mike, not so much into them. But, I was a rock kid too (I suspect there are still jars of my rock collection in my closet at Mom and Dads.)

Thinking about my old room made me remember a couple of things: what a nice childhood we had, replete with Etch a Sketch, Lite Brite (those pegs are LETHAL to step on), Easy Bake, Tang, hotdogs, and camping with strange popcorn pieplate things on wire handles for the campfire (you know, those things that never quite worked out, but were exciting)...and how we used to take out allowance to the corner store for chips and candy (chips were 25 cents). And how I likely won't let Nolan eat hotdogs (except tofu ones, as I know what went into them!) and haven't seen Tang in a store for a long time. And I wouldn't buy it if I did. But it was good. Well, so was not having to wear seatbelts, but.....

I think parents today are a bit crazy, and although I think I am relatively normal, the whole range or parental protectiveness has shifted- (away from Tang and hotdogs). But we all turned out fine! Once Nolan understands money in a couple of years, maybe I'll take him to the store for some penny candy. And then, when we look at each other loot on the way home, we can barter and do trades . One rootbeer gummy candy for 4 Swedish berries?

No hotdogs though. My "line" is apparently based the histology of the food- What exact kind of of tissue is that anyway? Is that mucosa?

My aren't I a keener

nHe's just checking out if the playroom can fit a wide screen TV....

Another post. Impressed? I am finally digging out from under enough to enjoy spending a bit of time on this again. Poor Nolan was at play group twice last week and as a pretty obvious direct result has a snorting-snuffling-rivers-of-mucous-running-down-his-face cold. It's that glazed doughnut look...at least he is starting to let me wipe his nose with less fighting now (I blot it with a half dry diaper wipe, to lessen the irritation)
I have a sore throat myself, but it is inevitable cause if N is sick, he -and therefore his pathogen- is quite literally glued to me almost 24/7- although today he had a nice interlude in the park with Daddy, while I finished baking a cake, started lasagna, and sorted the winter clothes partially. How domestic.
Tonight he counted to eight up the stairs, and later yelled to get my attention- and then shouted: "Ready? One...Two...THREEE!" with a flourish and jumped off his toddler bed to the floor. And then after supper he was at the table with is eating his piece of cake in the regular chair- he is iffy about accepting the high chair now- when he kibbutzed around too much and almost slid off the chair, caught himself, and said "I'm falling down." I am amused and amazed at how fast he is growing- Two years in a couple of weeks....

Finally some photos and a post!

Angel baby with stuff on chin- at Aunty Elly/Elizabeths, Cudworth, after 40th Anniversary party for Mom and Dad
Pool in cudworth- with Dad- he is fearless in the water!
In the show with cousin Elise and second cousin Jordy, back of the hall in Cudworth
Playing with Will! (Who he sometimes called "Yak-kum, for Malcolm, his idol here in Edmonton) 

Guilt...and cookies

I haven't posted for over a month, and have been thinking (ok, feeling guilty about it) a lot. Because Nolan is doing these hysterically funny and cute things and changing so fast, and here I'm not documenting it. My brain is a little too full and I worry I'll miss recording too much. And now, tired, I can't think of anything to blog.....I'll do photos from Picasa next because Blogger is as slow as molasses right now.

• This am Nolan woke me up by lying on my chest, nose to nose, looking at me with big, serious eyes until I opened my eyes, and saying "Nak. Cookie? Cake?" (That's snack, by the way)
• He is sensitive to chocolate- last night he had a SMALL piece of tiramisu as a reward for a sweet request for cake, accompanied by a particularly winsome smile (moms are suckers for that) and then was standing in his crib, jumping up and down and yelling at the top of his lungs, for a half hour. Then he indulged his fascination with hiding and finding by hiding a puzzle piece and then ostentatiously looking around saying "where is it?" - very showmanlike, holding my hand, until we - surprise!- find it in it's hiding place under the bed. Where he always hides things. Agagin and again for another half hour. Then I realized he'd done the alternate parent game while asking for bits of chocolate chip cookie (all these goodies are left over from a party, not usual fare around here) and probably ate two big chocolate cookies as well. Was a crazed wombat hyperbug babbling jumping bean til 11 PM.
  
• He loves shaving with Daddy, and "schriving"- driving -the car, is passionate about watering plants, pouring liquid between containers especially big tolittle containers (this is not so good) and sweeping
• He loves rain. Today he walked through a neighbours sprinkler and announced "It's raining!! Shower!" and made a nice logical connection at the park, when we were trickling sand between our fingers (and I was doing the baritone voiceover "Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives).....and he said "shower"...
• He still bites, but mostly still just me, when he's tired and frustrated (like when I had to bodily haul him away from the slides to go home to bath tonight). He also grabs and pinches some. A bit of a temper, but flares and cools relatively quickly.
  
• Having said that- he's singleminded and tenacious too. When he gets on a mission, and you think you've distracted him (from say, something involving the watering can and toilet lid) he'll play along then as soon as YOU are distracted- ZOOM- back to business.
  

That's enough as a start, as I am tired. Life has been hectic in an alarming way that I haven't even had time to think about yet....doesn't always seem possible that it is working out OK, but it is- however the long gap here proves the days are going fast.