Come see the boy!: December 2005

Let there be At- Christmas 2005

Playing with new toys on the stairs with Daddy- and see below for a lot more photos.
Nolan had a GREAT time with cousins Will and Elise- they taught him al sorts of things (like how to play in a box) and were very patient with him, stoically putting up with his aggressive baby grabs at noses and even occasional bites.
His favorite toys: Train song book, Elmo phone, bug puzzle, big cardboard boxes, his Baby Einstein monkey puppet (all the way from Japan!)
Favorite foods this Christmas: mashed potatoes with peas and gravy, spinach lasagna, shortbread, ham (and more ham), nanaimo bar (just a bit). The last taste netted a big "HmmmmMMMMm!" and a "Mo-ah?" (First experience with chocolate.)

New things: Conversations!
If you were listening in at around 0500H this morning, you would have heard a hopeful "At??" with Nolan, sitting up fuzzy headed, newly awake, looking at the light switch with a "can do" attitude, as if on my merest word he'd jump up for me and turn on the 'at' (that's light, by the way). "No at, honey, it's still sleepytime". Pause. "At?!" in a wheedling, you-must-be-misunderstanding-me-I'll-just-pop-over-and-turn-on-that-light-shall-I tone. "No 'at' yet honey. How about some bottle." Two hand push away as bottle approaches, X 2. Then, a "mo-ah?" with a feint at the front of my shirt. To summarize the transaction- no 'at', and no bottle either- settled on a compromise- nursing a bit back to sleep.

(Now he sleeps part time with us but the last few days the schedule has been WAY, way off, and he's also been wanting to nurse at night a lot more again. Comfort rather than sustenance, with all of the excitement and people around I suspect. Once things normalize we'll continue the movement toward a almost full time crib sleeping, fully weaned mannie.)

Sheila told me that Will's thing at this age was gleefully shouting "Door!" - he loved doors, loved pointing them out to everyone...like Nolan is with lights. He loves 'ats' and loves light switches- when grouchy, a sure distractor is to hold him up to a switchplate and let him turn lights off and on. Doors and lights are both are important everyday objects and important metaphysical ideas as well, in a way, so I thought that was interesting. Baby brains- you can see the wheels turning, really.
Not sure what he'll be doing next, but watching him change and develop is a lot of fun!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, I'll post more new photos soon.

The guys in the tub

Reading with Oma (with a cup stolen from Will!)

Playing in the boxes (of course...)

Will, Elise and Nolan under the tree, Christmas Eve 2005

Going for a drive at the playschool Christmas gig (Nolan's first date?)

Backstory part 2 - warning, obstetrics involved

So, this is - I don't know, maybe 9 hours after Nolan was born. Go back one post to read the start....

- I left off with the cell phone call, when I couldn't reach the call bell because of the contractions (I couldn't uncurl to reach it). I couldn't talk between contractions because there was really no "between contractions" so I just gasped "Come Now!!" and Mike sounded taken aback and just said "OK" and came pretty quickly. My staff parking pass was very handy because the lot is right by the Women's Centre. He probably felt bad that he'd been chatting it up at a party I was missing, and I likely didn't sound too good.

- somewhere in there the epidural was requested, after a trial of morphine made me feel unpleasantly buzzy and in pain, and nitronox (yep, laughing gas- MUCH more fun when not in labour) made me feel buzzy, floaty and in pain.

- the monitor started showing some decelerations in the babies heart rate WITH contractions, which is not great, but they always recovered well after contractions , which is reassuring. No one else seemed to be looking at this but I was, a lot.

- eventually others started focusing on this too, and after the epidural was in (I found it very hard to sit up for this as was all balled up around the contractions, and still couldn't talk either until it started working- YAY epidurals) we started repositioning me to see if it helped with the decels. It didn't.

- the OBGYN on call that night came in, to say that if this kept up (with me not very dilated and the decels) a C section may be in order. I was feeling a bit determined to do whatever was best for my wee heartrate dropping but recovering valiant baby.

- I asked them to call my OB as she said I could let her know if there was anything wrong, and I considered this ungood. She came in (which was very nice as she was not on call, but WAS on call the next day).

- She looked at the strip, and agreed that a C section was indeed likely if I was really only 4cm, but when she checked I was 7cm (in an hour and a half, which is pretty good) and baby was engaged...so she said "I think we can do this without a Csection", but put the OR on hold.
- the next 2 and a half hours were a worry wait game of decels (recovering", a scalp monitor for the baby, multiple repositions to try to help the decels in case the cord was pinched positionally, and finally the command to "Push!".

- after that, things were going OK- core strength needed, but OK-until a BIG long decel that ended in a mid- forceps delivery, done quite quickly and decisively.

- Nolan had the cord around his neck 4 times (explaining the problems with contractions, with each one his blood supply was decreased a lot....four loops is quite rare) and it was difficult to slip the loops over his head (I was watching), and then when they were tranferring him to the table (where the NICU team was waiting as they had been called) the Kelley clamp slipped off his cord and he spurted some arterial blood until she could grab the end and reclamp. Darn she was skilled and unruffled (well, until she vented about the clamp which had been packed sterilized but was defective. She swore out loud and broke the clamp so it couldn't be used again, I believe.).

- he was a bit blue at the very start but was good with suction and oxygen very quickly- no meconium, either. I was very worried -what a physically and emotionally stressful time! I was anxiously watching the crowd around the baby, and no one talked with me AT ALL until the anesthesiologist, who had come in to top up the epidural before the forceps (without an epidural that would have been really brutal)- peeked in and told me "He's OK!". I almost cried with relief.

- Then placenta delivery, blah blah blah, and many, many stitches (likely needed because of the the forceps delivery, again- yikes).
I was too tuned up to sleep (and got very sore too) and then I didn't sleep well again until...well, maybe 8 weeks later....

- I'd say that if I wasn't a physician things may have gone differently, because I was pretty proactive (especially over shift change), and my OB was really extremely good at what she does- a family doctor delivery may have been problematic, with the decels and cord etc. Also, really coming away from that with a healthy baby and no C section is amazing. In a nonmonitored setting, early rupture of membranes and so on would have been bad, with huge risks of prolonged preterm labour, infection, fetal distress. In a way this is about why healthcare really can be amazing.

And, that night I just stared at the sleeping little guy (essentially all night) and couldn't believe he had made it through so perfectly after so much stress, and couldn't believe that he was a whole new little unique person. I was utterly overwhelmed with responsibility and awe and amazement and love and my first awareness of how deeply parents fear, how deeply parents love, and how fiercly parents will protect.

Backstory part 1

This is a picture on the way to the hospital to have Nolan. It's 4pm, and he was born just after midnight....

Why talk about this now? Well, someone asked about another baby for us (not surprisingly, as some people with babies Nolan age that I know are due again in April. Ummmm- yikes?)
Well, yep - probably want another, nope- not one in progress now as I have to meet with my obstretrician first anyway re: future risks preterm wise (although I am not planning to give any gory details here, relax.)

The question did make me think of the birth experience though- and I realized that I don't remember it all. This is clearly an evolutionary protection thing so moms, by the time it's agood idea to have another one, have forgotten what it was like the first time (perhaps because of a haze of postdelivery endorphins followed by 6 weeks of sleeplessness.)

So, before I utterly forget
- I was on bedrest from 29 weeks (augh) but as was "safely" past 34 weeks I had been doing a few errands, and stopped at work to pick up my mail on the way home from groceries. Took elevator and sat at my desk for a bit. Stood up, and water broke (weird gushy feeling) but not messily, just "warning-ly". Sat down and dictated my request for maternity leave to the Chair. Gave it to Janet and said it could go without review, and that I was going home because my water had broken.
- Stan, entering his office at that point, asked how it was going (maybe joked about my size? Probably though I can't remember)- so I told him too. He endearingly got a bit discombobulated about it - do I want a ride? should we call someone? - until I pointed out no contractions so it'd be a few hours before anything anyway, but I'd have to go in and get antibiotics within a few hours, etc etc.
- Drove home, where water broke messily (sploosh! How very weird!) in the garage. Called Mike, changes clothed, packed bag, watered plants, called OBGYN office to tell them, and they said go to L and D at the Alec.
- We drove there with Mike acting rather nervous and me feeling dissociatively calm. Dr. Tataryn met me at the ward (after I'd changed, peed in a cup, had IV started, told my medical history to about 7 different people) and decided after looking at the monitor- some unexciting contractions that I could read my novel through- ordered Syntocinon augmentation.
- First nurse was really nice until I asked about epidurals in case I wanted one. She gave me a truly biased viewpoint "well, you could have one of course but then we'll still be here at this time tomorrow pushing". As a knowledgeable health care consumer, though, I replied "Well, on metanalysis of multiple trials epidurals have been shown to slow the second stage of labor by 20 minutes, which I am completely fine with if I am having problems with pain." She was rather less cordial after that, and she also dialled up my Syntocinon and went on break (against Dr. T's suggestion to go easy overnight and hope for a nice delivery in the morning).
- Mike went to the house (under construction then) to check something, as I was just lying there reading a book with a monitor on, and they said dilated 3 cm. He bumped into some friends on the street and ended up at a potluck at a neighbors (Dan and Doreen).
- Contractions got a lot more - well, let's just say 'mind focusing' then, and as I was balled up on the bed unable to move in between contractions, I couldn't reach the call bell. After a while I managed to get my phone...

GTG, Nolan is waking up-

Milestones

Parents can be too loony about this, but I'd call it my milestone that I put Nolan in his crib for a nap and survived 15-20 minutes of crying and complaining before he fell asleep. Evadnie says he usually complains for about 10 minutes, and Mike say 10-15, so I think he was SHOCKED that it was me putting him IN THE CRIB, rather than curling up with him like at night. However, all things must come to an end, and daytime nursing ended a long time ago. Nighttime nursing was ending on schedule until he got sick and needed a lot more emotional support for a week. In fact, one night he'd only sleep ON me, or in my arms. I spent the night managing his sleep and got none myself. Poor wee coughing baby. I do really love how cuddly he is though, occasional drawbacks aside.

Well, I guess he is not so wee . His 18mo sleepers are JUST fitting, and he mostly is wearing 18-24. or 24 mo stuff. Sizes vary a lot, which is sad, as he has totally missed some cute outfits- put them on new and the snaps barely do up, ankles exposed to the balmy Edmonton winter breezes.

Fun new things- opening the baby gate (that didn't take long) at the top of the stairs...and loading the dishwasher - if I veto that, then loading the oven with plastic dishes while my back is turned cause I am loading the dishwasher! Also, in a similar helpful vein, washing any surface with any cloth or wipe available. Ejecting the DVD tray on the player and giving me a hopeful look (like - "load up Baby Neptune, Mom!!"). He also is in utter enthrallment with the best toy ever- a small flashlight. "At!" is light- and he'll say it again and again, and point the beam, and it is always utterly miraculous when it goes on. "Ats" are a great hit in any context. Last night driving home from a supper out, he was pointing out the car window "AT....At!....AT....AT!.....at......At!!!"- for each and every streetlight. Reminds me that, yeah, streetlight are kinda cool, and how nice it is to have them spaced at regular intervals...

Balancing act

Well, at least the guys look good here- this was in November, on one of our rare "family" days- will call, travel, work committments etc I sometimes feel like a inept juggler with a near catastrophe at all times. Even with drastically "cutting down" and trying to have more balance at work, I still work 45h/week minimum, when not on call.

Nolan seems none the worse for it- the only things I do when I get home is related to Nolan and life/home maintenance. My only "me time" is blogging and occasionally cruising Ebay as I don't get out shopping much. Do NOT say anything about Christmas shopping, I may hyperventilate/vomit in alarm and dismay. No I have not started yet!

Nolan does occasionally get very clingy with me, usually when I have been on call a lot, like now. He was sitting on my lap as I tried to do this but then his obsession with the mouse resulted in a window full of html code opening and weird computer things happening. Then, when I took the mouse away (he LOVES the red light -it's an optical mouse) he screeched like a wounded hyena and bit my leg. Feral baby, anyone?

Actually, he is pretty tired too from our party yesterday (we were all up late, a very long and busy day) so more unstrung than usual, as he is generally pretty happy-go-lucky.

I am missing him, so....bye.

Googy googy googy

Handsome mannie.

Nolan was exhausted by a busy day at his at home job of being a Big Baby plus a visit to playgroup today, and kept rubbing his eyes- and hence rubbing his supper into his eyes (not the recommended usage) or throwing potato chunks on the floor. So we did quiet time (Baby Einstein- Baby Neptune), bath time, and went to bed at 8pm. He zonked out and so did I. (Three people volunteered that I look tired today, one asked if I was sick- I may never wear my hair like that and that sweater again, just in case that was the cause).

He just spontaneously awoke though (thus so did I) and starting YELLING "Googy googy googy" and similar phrases- I was too sleep addled to figure them out- and started ZOOMING around the room with big spazzy running steps (he gets morning feet). High volume yelling. Brought me a book, so I could read to him, but then busily had to get up and run more, and empty his socks and clothes out of their containers. Aside from emptying, he also helpfully brings diapers out and drops them in front of me AGAIN and AGAIN. In an "undo" phase I guess.

Mike is trying to get him asleep in the crib- I can't, he is TOO beseeching and I can't take it. He stands there with big eyes like the picture above, crying to come up, arms held out....tragic.

I have the (?) Buddy Holly tune "Bye Bye Love" in my head. Last night I started singing it to Nolan while bathing him, and I have been working on new verses.
"Bye, Bye tub...Bye bye, warm happiness... hello big blue towel, I think-a I'm-a gonna dry-ai, good bye my tub good bye-ai. There goes my baby...."