April and May 2008- New developments

First esthetics experience- face painting at Abigaels Birthday party. He sat REALLY still and seemed to enjoy it. (Pirate).

Learning how to ride a bike! ....(he prefers immediate mastery so this is a slow one....)

Don't know why we felt the need to switch a sock with Christopher but it was deliberate. Better than blood brothers.

Nolan and Birgit were sitting by the back door reading when I got home- he said BYE to Birgit and said "Mom, it's YOUR turn now."

Lucky

So I was just almost crying at the Ottawa airport – not because the cab driver had a disgusting decrepit cab and his VISA validator didn’t work and I had to go into the airport, walk about a kilometer to an ATM, and then get charged 1.50 to get cash to pay him, AND not because I had a light beer (ugh, but I chose it) and a steak sandwich (ugh, I ordered medium rare and it was well done, and came with sauteed CANNED mushrooms- wtf)….those things are true but not worth crying about. It was because of a Globe and Mail piece about milestones. Parents easily get obsessed about whether their kid is OK, on track, as good or better than other kids his/her age.... it is to reassure ourselves that we are doing a good job and our kid will succeed - but can easily get kind of maladaptive. I get a bit nervous about the risk of overfocusing on milestones competitively. Talk about reframing the issue- this mom was writing about milestones BACKWARDS.

She shared what it was like to have your child lose the ability to walk, after finally managing to do it - late and shaky but proud, and what it was like when he could no longer stand to pee, and when he - sounds like a very bright, well loved boy- one day acknowledged how hard it was for him by asking for a wheelchair. Muscular dystrophy. A normal young child has progressive loss of physical abilities and strength, and death. I’m clouding up writing about it.

So, I haven't mentioned this here before, but Nolan may have a receptive speech deficit, and /or ADHD and maybe some other developmental issues, we are in the middle of some assessments. His vocabulary is good, so it can be hard to recognize, his preschool teachers alerted us to the idea that his "difficult" nature may actually be something specific. I was so devastated when I first acknowledged to myself that some of his ways were NOT the same as his peers. But really, once I got over significant some shock and grief and guilt and all the thing parents think when something isn't just perfect for their child, I thought about it a bit more. And I looked at him, and I thought- he’s my funny, determined, tall, handsome, affectionate, imaginative little man. We can deal with this. It would be much nicer if it would all come easily to him. Could be worse.

So, soooo much worse. When I think about how much I love my son, and how I would do anything to make sure the world is a kind place for him, and then I think about the terrible illnesses and conditions that can affect kids, I actually almost panic. Being a parent is like having an open wound that bleeds when anything MIGHT happen to your child. I’d walk across broken glass, I’d give up my life in a heartbeat, if it was to protect Nolan.

Imagine the bravery that parents who have a sick child- especially a child with a chronic condition- have to muster, just to keep on, to be able to act in a way that allows their sick child to be happy and unafraid. How do you provide love AND discipline, normalcy, allow them to discover things themselves in that context? It'd be so hard not to wrap them up in cotton wool and indulge their every whim. (Which is an every present danger even for me with Nolan - if the problem is behavioural/communication based, where to "excuse" problems and where to try hard to modify can be a difficult call. And he's not a severely impaired child by any means, he spends most of his time IN various places in the bell curve, so it can be even harder to call.)

Anyway. Wouldn' trade him in for anyone else, he's so himself, and so loved, and it'll be OK. How lucky am I.

In the whole wide world

We have that Mem Fox book, with the man in the cloud suit showing the kids how all the people all over the world share some things in common, and how some things are different, illustrated like folk art...."love is the same, hurts are the same,...all over the world" and so on. It's very sweet.

Nolan doesn't ask for it much but is always attentive to it and really likes the birthday cakes and different houses. And now will occasionally say "Mommy, I love you derry much, all over the world". Which is darned cute.

He still occasionally likes prtend picmics, but now is also more likely to play pretend school, with me as the student, or occasionally he'll be Mommy and I'll be Nolan ...this is confusing as I am never sure when the switch back occurs, and the conversation can go " Mommy, it's time for you to go to the bathroom. Wait, am I still Nolan?" "Yes, and it is not time to go to the bathroom Nolan, we have to play with Ramone first on the broken bridge". (Ramone is a car).

First soccer day yesterday- rained, chaotic, and Nolan was discombobulated- 4 teams of 3-4 year olds play in a rink boarded field, and everyone was running around and there were whistles and a big red faced man coaching another team loudly - he basically shut down and refused to play or change into his soccer gear. If it had been quiet and orderly would've had a better chance. Our coach seems very nice. Will try to take him to watch soccer a few times at that park. I think Mike was a bit stressed about getting there and getting him suited up for his foray into team sports and Nolan is very attuned to extra stress as well. I suspect in a few weeks it'll be fine. Nolan's transitions are always hard, he's been stressed lately with a return of behaviour problems and teeth grinding.

GTG- will post some pictures soon.